Simple

 Something as simple as seeing a ring puts everything in a new perspective. Unlocks new thought paths. Some say "phew, dodged a bullet." Some are still in shock and some are extremely curious as to what the fuck happened there. I can't wait for the day to end so I can head out for a ride out, clear my thoughts and then drink myself to sleep. 

I am pleased to see that this deep dark fear inside can breathe. Reaches its ugly head out at night, as if to check on me. Done. Now what? Another month has passed. Another age has left its remnants on top of the coffee table and jumped off the balcony. Dead, smeared on the sidewalk. Silent words, silent dreams and unintelligible screams. Been almost a year now. A year, filled with women, recurring work days and somber nights. I don't really think much about it anymore but every now and then, on a night like this, I find myself asking "what if?" What if that door had never closed? What if the path of three years kept going? I know and understand all these thoughts are merely me, summoning my own melancholy. That's all they're good for now. To bring a touch of sadness. To fill the so called void, at least for a couple hours. I wake up, start my day and for the first three or so hours, I give it my all to not fully awaken. But, eventually, I do. Then comes the emptiness. Unbearable silence of my own soul, my own thoughts. Some days I reach as deep as I can and still come up empty handed. I am hiding. Hiding from the world. Hiding from the people. Hiding from life. I'm hiding from myself. Till when and to what end? That remains to be seen. 

I'm 25.
Quarter of a century, gone. I don't know how many more years I'll live. I don't know where life will take me. Scary, hopeful, intriguing but never exciting. Nothing ever is exciting. All is passing and I remain a blank stare. As simple as that.

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