By His Own Accord

 Darkened by a dim light nearing the end of its lifespan, the future in this town of eternal sunshine grow clearer by the day. Ceaseless loop of pictures taken, islands rowed to and mindless gaze of short lived attractions present the future with near-perfect accuracy. Simply put; there is no future. No matter its delicacies, its unending pleasantries, this town of mine has no intention of letting me move on. So I will do what I must and set things in motion. There are many more things I dream of. Now is not the time to retire. 

I try not to let myself get excited so I can rejoice in this bowl of sorrow. For I shall not dawdle in this pit any longer. However, I will not lie and act as if I do not daydream of moments to come. As if in an ecstatic state of mind, I momentarily gain the ability to peer into the future and see what will be. Who knows, maybe they actually will be. I mean, the only path left to thread is up, so yeah, why not possess a glimpse of light? For he did do so, by his own accord.

Yorumlar

Yorum Gönder

Bu blogdaki popüler yayınlar

Twenty Eight

 I don't know how to talk to people anymore. Used to be that I could spend hours, explaining the inner torments of my mind, being excited for things, wanting things, having hope. Now it feels like it's been a cold winter for the past few years. I keep telling myself that this is what I want, that this is okay but I can't even feel like I'm living anymore. I bury my desires, my fears, my regrets and my hopes so deep down that even I don't know they're there sometimes. I had expected things to change a little bit for the better after I moved but now I find myself getting worse and worse. This decade has shown me many things about myself that I cannot seem to shake off. Ideas of myself, my belief in myself. I find that each day I vividly see and acknowledge the things that are wrong with me and still find myself unable to do anything about it. Life is suddenly extremely boring and there are no exciting days. Sometimes I truly believe that maybe it's me that...
Devamı

My Side

 I didn't know how to let go. Eventually I was forced into it. In days where I could barely feel myself, I felt her slowly slipping away. It's not like I did something bad or she did, things sometimes just fall apart. Looking back on it, I can say that we just fell apart, though I did not want to. I didn't have the courage to end things. I could feel it in my bones that no matter what I didn't want to spend a day without her. I'm not into the ifs and maybes of things anymore. What has happened has happened. I just know how I felt during those times. I knew we were slipping away from each other and I knew neither of us knew what to do. I found myself clinging to nothing when she was no longer there for me to hold onto. I could see the walls of my house growing bland. Losing color and life as each day passed. I didn't think of it then but I can see it now that when she left, I didn't just lose a lover. I lost the colors of my life. The chirping of the birds. F...
Devamı

Kışın Fısıltıları

 Kapım çalınacakmış gibi hissediyorum kaç gündür. Yerimden kalkıp uzun bir koridoru geçeceğim. Renkleriyle hep olması gereken yerdeymiş gibi hissettiren halının üzerinden atacağım adımlarımı. Belki kediler de gelecek peşimden. Uzanıp kapıyı açacağım. Kafasını yana eğmiş, bir elinde market poşeti, yüzünde kocaman bir gülümseme. "Selam" diyor bana sanki zamanın geriye aktığını fark etmemiş gibi. Bir elimle uzanıp elindeki poşeti alıyorum, diğer elimle belinden tutup sıkıca çekiyorum kendime. Kurguyu bozmaktan kaçınmasa "ne o sanki yıllardır görüşmüyoruz" diyecek. Önümden ilerleyerek girecek içeri. İçimdeki gülümsemeyle kapatacağım kapıyı. Miyavlamaların arasında o gece sesiyle yatıştıracak hepimizin ruhunu. Her geçen saniye duvarlar biraz daha üzerimize kapanmıyormuş gibi devam edecek adımlarım. Mutfağa girip poşettekileri yerleştireceğim. İlgisini kedilerden ayırabildiğinde gününün nasıl geçtiğini anlatmaya başlayacak bana. Ne de olsa onun için alışık bir durum. Haft...
Devamı